Teen foster care: Real life, real stories
A Journey Full of Possibilities: Sobie's Story
Tanya and Dolan Simmons of Groton, CT, first welcomed a child into their home when their own kids were 4 and 5 (twins) years old. That was through the Fresh Air Fund, a program in New York that helps kids growing up in the inner city have a summer experience in a smaller town. The three boys are grown up now, married with kids of their own. And Tanya and Dolan are still fostering kids. They have fostered more than 100 children, mostly teen boys from here in Connecticut. One of those kids was Sobie.
Sobie was 14 years old when he first met Tanya and Dolan. Sobie’s first impression of the Simmons family was they were nice and their house was calm. They provided the support he needed to “reach my milestones” such as learning to drive, purchasing a car, getting a job, and preparing for college.
Parenting teens appeals to families who may not want to tackle (or relive) the diaper years. Foster parents meet the needs of teens by setting clear expectations, helping them find activities they’ll excel at, modeling safe and healthy relationship behaviors, and offering a listening ear and words of guidance. Foster families raising teens generally need support with a couple of key issues: planning for after-school activities and help navigating difficult behaviors. DCF provides foster families with training that targets possible gaps in parenting skills or experience, such as conflict de-escalation and internet safety. In addition, DCF helps licensed families find appropriate after-school activities to keep teens occupied and engaged in positive experiences.
The Simmonses enjoyed a positive working relationship with Shawn Fizzano, Sobie’s social worker in the Norwich DCF office. Shawn helped Sobie with post-high school plans and also with practical issues such as obtaining a YMCA membership. Sobie remarks that Shawn has been “proactive,” and the Simmonses comment that they always know they can reach Shawn and that he has been very accessible to the family and to Sobie.
Shawn states of Sobie, “One of his most unique qualities is his resiliency and ability to remain focused and driven” even after facing difficulties. Shawn has worked for DCF for over 8 years, and believes the greatest impact he can make is by working with teens. Shawn’s work involves assuring that Sobie is provided with the best case management services available. He also makes sure the youth’s needs are met physically, emotionally and financially.
“I try and I try and I never give up” on kids, Tanya explains. “Kids need to know you won’t give up on them when they do typical teenage stuff” like pushing limits or typical teenage risk-taking. “There are so many kids,” she continues, “who don’t have anyone to help them” with general life skills.
Kids like Sobie and Thane, and hundreds of other Connecticut kids, need someone to teach them to drive, to help them with schoolwork, to show them how to apply for a job, to introduce them to ways they can contribute positively to society. Social worker Shawn adds, “Your love and guidance can change the lives of youth in a magnificent way.”
DCF is ready to help families and individuals to take the step of faith into the journey that is providing foster care. There is a child in CT that needs your guidance and your care.
Middletown Family Opens Heart, Home to Foster Children: The Wynn Family Story
“My heart is filled with so much joy,” explains Marcus Wynn as he tries to put into words what fostering and adopting mean to him. 18 years ago, Marcus and his wife Maribel were high school sweethearts at Middletown High School. Early in their marriage, they had two biological children, Marnaizha and Marques. At one point they visited a family member who was a foster mom. On the 9-hour car ride home from North Carolina, they discussed becoming a foster family and upon arriving back in Connecticut, Maribel made the phone call that would change their lives.
Fast forward seven years, and the family has fostered 23 children. They are currently caring for a 3-month-old boy with Downs syndrome. Their open hearts and open doors have also resulted in 3 adoptions. 15-month-old Delana came first. When she was 3, the adoption was finalized, and she is now 7. Delana’s adoption is an “open adoption,” meaning Delana’s birth family is still involved, in this case her grandfather. Maribel laughs, “We adopted the grandfather too!” In the meantime, siblings Rowan, now 7, and McKenzie, now 4, arrived, and they too were adopted. Maribel describes that Rowan “had my heart” from the moment she saw him. Maribel calls adoption day “one of the best days ever!” Family and friends packed out the courtroom in Judge Marino’s office in Middletown, followed by a huge party with cake, balloons, food and games.
Maribel’s favorite quote is “all you need is love.” Believing they can teach something to every child, no matter how short or long they stay, keeps the family motivated to continue to open their home. Maribel and Marcus also believe that foster care has been a positive experience for their biological children, Marnaizha and Marques. “Their hearts are bigger” since they became foster siblings, and “they stand up for kids with different needs at school” because they have experienced living with children who have different needs at home. Maribel explains that her biological children have always wanted additional siblings; even now they hope to adopt the baby currently staying with them and still want more kids in the future!
Working with the Department of Children and Families has been a positive experience overall for the family. The Middletown office is “very helpful and supportive” according to Maribel. Families who foster and adopt through DCF are assigned their own support social worker. The Wynn family’s support social worker, Kathleen, has always been there for them. She is very responsive and attentive to the family’s needs, quick to answer questions regarding any issues that arise and coming out to the home as needed to offer assistance. The family is certainly wiser now and their eyes have been opened to the struggles that others may be going through. In general, children come into foster care due to immediate safety issues including neglect or abuse. Prospective foster and adoptive parents are fully vetted, trained and licensed before taking in a child, and parents receive ongoing training and support. “Go for it!” Marcus and Maribel would advise others who are considering fostering or adopting. Maribel adds, “If you have the heart and you have the home, you will learn a lot and you will help a child even if it’s for only a short time.” Marcus’ advice to men who may be considering becoming foster dads is to “fully jump into it, these kids really need you. They need your love and affection. Go in 100% with your heart and have faith that it will work out.”
Marcus and Maribel wish to thank their family and close friends including Victory Christian Church in Middlefield, who have been so supportive and treat every new child with genuine love and affection. Maribel states, “Being a foster family is very rewarding and truly a blessing. It can be chaotic at times but we wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Foster Care: Making a Difference, One Child at a Time: The Current Family
Darla Current always knew she wanted to be a mom. She and husband Ben have three biological children – Lilia (11), Paisley (9) and Chandler (3). Not planning on having more biological children, the Currents kept hearing about foster care and adoption. One day, Darla heard a radio ad for foster care. She and Ben decided it was finally time to move forward and become a licensed foster home.
At first, the family took only respite placements. Respite usually refers to short-term, limited duration foster care. Shortly thereafter, the family learned of two little girls who needed a longer term foster care placement – Avery and Arielle, sisters aged 4 and 5 (names have been changed.)
Darla recalls that her first impression of the girls was that they were shy, but “I could tell they were really sweet and would fit in really well” with the Current family. Within 6 weeks, tragedy had struck. Avery and Arielle’s birth father passed away suddenly. Darla and Ben helped the girls to celebrate their father’s life even as they mourned his passing. The family still keeps a framed photo of the girls’ father in the home.
As for working with the Department of Children and Families, the Currents have enjoyed a positive relationship with social worker Colleen Donahue, Avery and Arielle’s caseworker. Darla comments that Colleen has been helpful, and “has given us a lot of her time.” Foster parents licensed in CT also have their own support social worker, whose job is to offer practical and emotional support to the family, make service referrals, remind families of relevant trainings, and ensure that the home meets DCF regulations, among other things.
The Currents feel that the foster parent training classes (which are the same as those for prospective adoptive parents) were helpful, but of course it is one thing to understand a concept in the class and another entirely to live it out. “You really have to know your limits, what you can do in a day,” Darla advises. The family has had to learn to advocate for their own needs and the needs of the children in their care, as well as learning to navigate the DCF system.
In terms of welcoming Avery and Arielle into their home, the family had scheduled a playdate with the other foster family ahead of time to meet the girls. They were able to let the girls help decide what to have for dinner their first night in their new home. Giving children in foster care small choices can help to empower children who may have felt powerless in the past.
The family is still dealing with many unknowns. Darla was recently diagnosed with leukemia, which meant that Avery and Arielle needed to move to another foster home. While Darla’s overall prognosis is good, the health issues disrupted a placement that the family was hoping would result in adoption, if family reunification was not going to be possible.
Hundreds of children in CT need safe, loving foster homes – kids in foster care need someone who can provide structure, consistency and love, model healthy behaviors, help a child build self-esteem, and remain flexible to accommodate many appointments and meetings that help a child to reach his or her full potential.
Like the Current family, if you have ever thought about providing foster care, if you have love to give and space in your home and life, call 1-888-KIDHERO to learn more today.