State of Connecticut Advocates' Corner

Getting Mad and Getting Over It

What is anger?

Anger is a strong feeling.
People get angry for different reasons.
  • You may get angry when:
    • A person hurts your feelings
    • A person does something to you that you do not like
    • You remember something bad that happened in the past
Woman upset
Everyone gets angry.
  • Everyone gets angry sometimes.
  • It is important to get over being angry.
  • Some people get angry a lot…and they don’t get over it.
    That can be a problem! Being angry can:
    • Make you feel bad, and
    • Make other people not want to be around you.
What happens inside your body when you are angry?
  • Your heart beats faster.
  • You breathe faster.
  • You may feel hot and start to sweat.
  • Your muscles may get tight. That can hurt! 
What do people do when they are angry?
  • People may:
    • Yell and scream
    • Say things to hurt others
    • Hit or break things
    • Hit themselves or others
    • Just hold it all in and do nothing
Getting really angry can make you feel bad.
  • Getting angry all the time can make you sick with:
    • Heart problems
    • Back problems
    • Stomach problems
    • Sleep problems
You may be getting angry too much of the time, if:
  • People do not want to be your friend 
  • You lost your job
  • People do not want to be around you
  • People are afraid of you
  • Getting angry and feeling bad takes up a lot of your day 
If you get really angry or get angry a lot:
  • Make a plan to slow down your anger
  • Try to figure out why you get so angry
  • If you are angry at  someone, talk about it with them                                   when you’re not angry
  • Talk to a counselor or a therapist
Make a plan and stick to it!
  • Some people use a plan every time they start to get angry. 
  • A plan could include:
    • Breathing slowly: Count to 7 when you breathe in and count to 11 when you breathe out
    • Taking a walk
    • Thinking about something you like
Other Plans
  • Every time you start to get angry:
    • Think about a place you like to visit where you are happy
    • Close your eyes and go  there in your mind
    • Count to ten before saying anything
When you get angry, try to figure out why by asking:
  • What were you doing just before you got angry?
  • What made you angry?
    • Did someone say something that made you angry?
    • Did someone do something that made you angry?
    • Did getting angry make you think about something from the past?
Try talking about it.
  • If someone makes you angry:
    • Use a plan to slow down the anger
    • When you are not angry, talk about it with the person
    • Don’t blame the other person  
    • Just tell them why you are angry
You choose to be angry.
  • No one makes you angry.
  • So, it is better to say ‘I feel angry’ and not to say ‘You make me angry.’ 
         It’s better to say:
‘I feel upset when you use bad language’ or ‘I feel angry when you call me names.’

         It’s better not to say:
‘You make me upset when you use bad language’ or ‘You make me mad when you call me names.’
Is it time to see a counselor?
  • See a counselor or a therapist if you:
    • Get really angry a lot
    • Can’t figure out why you get angry
    • Can’t follow a plan to slow down your anger
    • Are losing your friends
  • If you need a counselor:
    • There are counselors and therapists who know a lot about anger
    • ‘Anger Management’ is when a counselor helps you control or get over your anger
  • If you talk to a counselor, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on 
Other Resources