“This Beautiful Brain” 

Ellen DeShong 

Ellen: 

My name's Ellen DeShong. I'm 52 years old. I am dyslexic and ADHD and a very sensitive human being. I have one child for sure that's dyslexic and ADHD. I have another child that's questionably so. She's my daughter. So I think her gender in school and my diligence, she didn't need the diagnosis.  

  

And it's taken me 52 years to tell you that I am just graduated with my master's degree in clinical mental health. It's been the biggest accomplishment of my life. I'm working currently with a neurologist. One of the conversations that we've been having led me to look at two very interesting theories of bucket filling versus spotlight theory of learning. And think about this idea that like I know the kids that were really appropriate for this type. They were buckets that were ready to be filled. I was not and I didn't have, I didn't even have access to a bucket. I had nothing but I did have a bright and shiny light. I had a broad and expansive spotlight to shine on everything. And I was curious and I was excited and I was energetic and I was passionate and I was deep.  

  

That, I don't think, given the time, you know, of 1972 living where I lived in rural Pennsylvania and with parents who were very work first, play second, follow rules. Right? That didn't work. I was unlikable. I was unteachable. And I was, I think, really annoying. And so not only was I unable to be a bucket to be filled, but I was so sensitive to all of the people that didn't like me, who didn't approve of me, who thought I was dumb and not valuable. And I was always aware of when people's words didn't match their emotions. I became highly anxious as a child. I was focused on how do I protect myself, how do I not feel dumb, right? 

  

I think that if we could think about learning in these two different ways and understand that there is a lot of value in this, what do you want to learn about model? What makes you interested model? What excites you model? We could help a lot of kids like me thrive and we could prevent some of these traumatic issues. For instance, times tables. I can feel it from the tips of my toes to the top of my head, the shame. I think that my times tables were one of the things that absolutely thwarted me. Just the system in and of itself, supports the bucket fillers. And then you're put in this model where you’re tested on these things that are nearly impossible for somebody who learned the way that I learned to do and pressured recall. Like it was probably a lot less even about the times tables and so much more about the pressured recall and the anxiety and then you go home and you're a failure and you're punished. I chose to go to culinary school because, simply, I didn't have to take my SATs. And I guess, an important thing to say here…  

  

So, as a dyslexic who went to culinary school because I couldn't do any of the other things, right? And then figuring out that there was actually a name for this thing that I had. I didn't actually figure it out until my daughter went to elementary school and she couldn't spell. And, so, created an entire edible schoolyard program to sell to a Montessori school because I couldn't afford to send her there. And I created a whole program so that I could barter for services so she didn't have to go to third grade at public school. And I think I saved her life, in a way. You know, like, I got her out at exactly that third grade year and then we moved to Waterford Public Schools.  

  

We found this woman, this brilliant, brilliant, young, dynamic woman named Janice Bouchard. She didn't need to diagnose Ella. She didn't need to do anything. She just said, oh my God, she's great. Her comprehension is great. And she made me feel… seen and heard and hopeful. And so, Ella was able to navigate that system again, thanks to this support, because it changed everything that I felt. But then my son came along and again, she just, like, swooped in. She's like, yeah, we don't need a diagnosis. They won't diagnose him anyway. He’s totally dyslexic, Ellen. She's like, oh my God, he doesn't know his alphabet. He doesn't know his sounds. I’m getting all the services for him, I’m making it work, and she just took it.  

  

And I was inspired to go back to support my two kids in this same disability. I got a job as a paraprofessional. I went back to school, I got my bachelor's in psychology, um. That was all so that I could get the paraprofessional job with Waterford schools so that I could learn the Wilson program to learn with Alex. 

  

And then he had this amazing fourth grade teacher named Allison Gallis. She adopted this method in her classroom, where if one child had an accommodation, it was available for the entire classroom. So you could choose wherever you wanted to sit. Everybody had access to a bouncy ball. If you needed to go for a walk, anyone would go for a walk. 

  

He could not wait to go to school every single day. He was so invested in the intrinsic wellness that he felt in that room. He felt smart. And we worked on, a lot of like, what is the intention of this assignment? Because, if it's a handwriting assignment you've got to do it. But if it's not a handwriting assignment, dude, I will type for you all day long. I will write for you all day long. We have content issues and we have handwriting issues. And if we could separate out those two and she brilliantly allowed us to do that, those moments in that classroom, I mean, they were a team. Every kid felt like they were a part of something bigger, they felt like they had a voice, they felt like assignments had a purpose. It changes the trajectory for a child. It really does. 

  

High school was really interesting for Alex, right, because he was definitely, um, tagged as being difficult. So like, he needs an extra study hall. He needs to be in this skills class. He didn't have the test score to get into the math class that he wanted to get into, which was an advanced math, even though he had an A name in the class. And they wouldn't let him take the Spanish. And I'm like, this is absolutely ridiculous. I just said, we'll drop all of the supports, I'll pay out of pocket for Jeanie Morgan, who’s like, so the school either would have paid if he had gone in those classes, he could have gotten the support from Jeanie Morgan because I didn't because I chose to take him out, I paid independently for her and made him go after school. And I put him then in Spanish and I put him in the classes that, know, whatever.  

  

This idea of oral testing is huge to me. Like if we're testing on handwriting, let's test on handwriting. If we're testing on, you know, content, let's give the option of oral and I could praise God for AI, because I think that there are some brilliant successes for dyslexic kids in AI. And I think that when people who want to be negative about it, I just want to and say like, it's cheating. I just want to say, yes, of course. We can all cheat at everything, it's also this brilliant opportunity for kids to be able to get down their thoughts and submit them in this cohesive way where they can be proud of the end product. A dyslexic kid, they have to work five times harder but when you can help them put the five times harder in and they get the end product, right? Like they really are learning to manage this beautiful brain of theirs in ways that I think we can see these kids be amazing leaders and problem solvers because of the beauty of the way their brains work.